Potty Training: LET’S BE REAL HERE
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Obviously, this child does not have an older brother who is also using the same potty. If they did, they would be coloring in pee.
I’m sorry, but Potty Training: Let’s Be Real.
Potty training is not like teaching your child to ride a bike, or write their name, or how to make macaroni and cheese. Potty training is downright disgusting and torturous. Instead of water boarding or whatever that is, give a criminal a potty training toddler.
Yeah, let’s see who wins that one.
When we Moms take on this noble task, let’s be real: We should all lay hands on her and fast for 3 days. Because now, it begins.
I’m working on my youngest… of 4 kids. 4 times I have been through this horrible event of potty training. 4 times the torture.
And let me tell you something, this is not a “happens in 3 days,” event. Yeah, I bought the book off of Pinterest, “Potty Train Your Child in a Weekend.”
Bologna. I want a refund.
Have they ever met strong-willed, stubborn children? What about children who are not regular in their bowel movements? Hah, write a book on that one. Not one of my four children, NOT ONE, have been easy to potty train. It’s not one of those that you think,
Well I’m going to teach my kid to pee and poop in the potty today.
Then they magically quit going in a diaper. A diaper that they have been relieving themselves on a whim for 2 years. Or 3.
I have read countless books on potty training.
I’ve tried the child running around naked.
I’ve tried verbal encouragement.
I’ve tried reprimanding.
I’ve tried praising.
I’ve made them wash out their own underwear.
I’ve tried Skittles.
I’ve tried M & M’s.
I’ve tried stickers.
I’ve tried charts.
I’ve tried coins.
I’ve tried dollars. (well, Grandma tried dollars…and it did work)
You would think with all this it would be easier.
But let me tell you: IT DOES NOT MATTER.
It is NEVER an easy task for this family. When my Mom friends say, “Oh, we just put ours in underwear and take them to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Then they are potty trained after a day or two,” I want to punch them.
I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Do you know how many “accidents” I have cleaned up in the past month? No, not just the past month, but the past 7 years?
So, here are some things that you will not read about in any Potty Training manual.
Potty Training: Let’s Be Real Here
- Don’t listen to when people tell you that it’s time. When someone says, “When are you going to potty train her?”
I have finally perfected my answer by the 4th child:
Whenever you want to try. If you would like to take her for a week and get it done, please feel free. Otherwise, she’s going to have to beg me for underwear.
I like to Jesus it on them, you know, turn it back on them. They are not the ones who are going to be cleaning endless amounts of poopy underwear or wiping up urine off of the floor. I’m sorry. No.
- The bathroom is now your home. You might as well take your favorite book, your favorite candle, a vase, an afghan, your slippers, lunch, coffee, a pillow, your reading glasses, a change of clothes… Let’s face it, YOU. LIVE. THERE. The amount of time you now spend in the bathroom is more than the amount of time you spend in your own bedroom.
- You will act like someone has scored the winning basket to a National Championship Game (Go CATS) when they actually pee or poop in the potty.
A grown woman.
Cheering. At urine and poop in a potty.
This baffles me (yes, I am sitting here shaking my head at myself). Now that we have several children, I even have them come in and make a huge deal about it.
- Your life is now like a game show-
Well, hello Bob… What do we have for this contestant?
For the contestant who poops in the potty we HAVE A NEW CAR!!!
I did not stoop that low-to a new car. However, in order to get a child potty trained I did purchase a wooden Thomas the Train set. And my mom, yes Grandma, bribed my second one with dollars… dollars…for pooping in the potty. But you know what? That worked for him. (He is still a money kid to this day, he has more money in his wallet than most grown adults). I’m not complaining.
- Cleanliness is now out the window. Completely gone. Buh bye. . I could probably write a whole book on this topic. So I will just list some for you here:
- The potty training child peed on the hardwood. Before I could even get to a towel her older sister comes running into the room and slips and falls in the pee. Ya’ll. This is not right. It’s not. Okay. It’s just not.
- The number of times I have had poop under MY fingernails.
- The number of times we have washed poop underwear in a toilet and then in a sink. This is making me nauseous.
- If your child has issues with pooping (distended bowel anyone?) they will poop in various places around the house. Anywhere but a toilet (carpet, under the kitchen table is one of our kids’ favorites).
- Kids are disgusting. They play in their own poop. And smear it around on all surfaces. I mean who does that?
(Side note here, do you know when I searched on Pinterest about this topic that Puppy Training was trending the same. Hmmm, puppies/children. Dogs roll in their own poop. Kids play in theirs. Quite the resemblance. Things that make you go HMMMM.
Moving on, enough with the disgusting part, well, this is potty training so it’s all disgusting.
- Silence is not golden. One of the things that I cringe at the most is while potty training,
the trainee disappears…quietly.
This is never good.
It’s not. Oh, you can get a load in the laundry going. But at what cost?
Poop in the underwear is the cost. A wet floor that is NOT SANITARY is the cost.
- Your house will now smell like a nursing home. No amount of candles can overcome it. Just grab you some Gain and run about 4 loads of laundry a day. That’s all I got.
- Humility is a valuable lesson. You will get to practice it. alot. Especially at Disney World. When your child poops in their underwear.
These are things that we do not think about when we welcome a little one into the world. I can see it now: We are holding our precious little one, cuddling, marveling at God’s handiwork and craftsmanship. This child is perfect. Adorable. She smells like roses, her skin is softer than white sand at a beach. It’s just, sigh, wonderful. Then she poops that first meconium or he pees in your face.
Welcome to Parenthood.
If you aren’t in this phase yet, cheers to you. May your children pee and poop easily in the potty.
As for this Mom-well-I’ve decided she’s going to have to beg me for underwear, until then,
It’s Depends for you kiddo.
Linking Back to Nourishing Joy.